CrankySec

Call us, maybe?

Hi! How are you? It’s been a while, I know! And let me tell you why: I’ve been fucking busy. Some of that is good busy, some of that is bad busy. I’ll tell you more about the former, because fuck the latter.

As you may or may not know, I started dumping my thoughts here in February of 2024 with literally zero expectations that anyone would care. I got some bumps from good friends who are better at wordsmithing than I am, but I think the reason people keep indulging me is not because I’m funny or original—which I am—, but because we all experience the same bullshit I describe herein: The contempt for expertise. Calling the bizarre practice of dumbing things down so some idiot executive can pretend to care the “LaNgUaGe oF BuSiNeSs”. That feeling that only the true sociopaths can get ahead. The general lack of respect.

It sucks that bitching and complaining is the thing that brought us together, but I’ll take it. It’s better than bitching and complaining alone. But it’s also very tiring. Being pissed off 24/7 is not healthy at all. Professionally, and personally. We can either roll with the punches, log out at 5:00:00:01 PM, and do it all again next business day, or, you can say “fuck it, we’ll do it ourselves.” And that’s what we’re doing.

But before we get to that, let me tell you a little bit about our Discord. It’s really nice. You should check it out if you’re not there already. And, look: I am old as shit. I am not willing nor able to run a Discord that’s going to be a firehose of chaos. I don’t even like playing multi-player games. But, this one is chill, I promise you that. We’re all adults there, and we converse like normal people. Most of the time. If you’re like me, and have the heebie-jeebies about joining a group of strangers online, I promise you it’s a very welcoming place. Give it a try, and, if you do, say hi!

Ok. So, we’re legit starting a business. I can’t tell you much as of right now, but, keep your eyes peeled for the big reveal. The idea is very simple, really: no-nonsense cybersecurity services. Employee-owned. No external investors. Whatever money we make, we put it back into the company, or we put it in our own pockets. We promise full transparency, dedication, and care. And that’s our pitch. We are assembling a group of people who care about doing a good job, and have skin in the game.

We believe that’s the best way to do business sustainably without acting like a piece of shit psycho who just wants to take advantage of peoples’ inability to know how to do everything at all times. It might sound sappy, even naïve, but that’s just because we’re all used to be treated like garbage by corporations at this point and it sounds weird when we don’t, which is fucked up in itself. We really believe there’s a better way to do business, and we’re going to put that theory to the test. If it works, awesome. If it doesn’t, we tried.

What will we offer? Almost everything that doesn’t require 100 people sitting in a room somewhere watching a screen. More tactical and strategic planning, but also operational stuff. Need to really revamp your cybersecurity program? Can do. Need some application pentesting? Sure. Threat modeling? Hell, yeah. Help getting to the other side of a <insert one of the 527 cybersecurity frameworks here> assessment? For sure. “WTF is going on with this company we just acquired?” Yeah, we can do M&A stuff. If it’s not something that requires a lot of bodies, we can probably do it. And the people doing the work are truly knowledgeable, and really scared of fucking up, which is always good because it leads to top notch diligence.

I’ve worked in a lot of places that will charge you a lot of money for dogshit results. We won’t. If we do, you’ll get your money back. No bullshit. That, however, means that we won’t have a steakhouse and cocaine and prostitutes budget for business development purposes. But I think that’s a good thing. Got some budget and want get actual ROI? Come have a chat with us. For now, you can just hit me up at sc at crankysec.com. We’ll have proper communication channels up and running soon. Let the cycle of bullshit be discontinued.